Key points

• Midlife brings many changes, and one consistently pops up for many people.

• Life changes mean you may not need to care anymore what others think.

• Reason 1: You’ve been around, and realise nothing much is that new.

• Reason 2: You realise many things don’t actually matter that much.

• Reason 3: You place a premium on your attention, time, and energy.

• An important caveat: Don’t be a dick.

• It’s possible to be kind and not care at the same time.

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Photo by Hanneke Laaning on Unsplash

After 50, you rethink what’s important in life

I was chatting with someone recently during a lunch break in a session I was facilitating. It was one of those corporate-type strategy-into-action sessions. As we stood there drinking that awful urn-type coffee, (you know...the stuff that tastes like it was made an hour ago, because it was?) we discussed the fact that we'd been working much longer than many who were present.

“Oh well, I guess I’m getting old,” said Wendy. But she’s not old-old; she's in fact just over 50. We agreed that we saw things differently now that we're in our second halves.

People around middle age and beyond tend to rethink ideas, views, and positions they've held since their earlier years. We'll look at why in a moment. But one thing that pops up for many in this mental garage sale is this: they just don’t care anymore what people think of them. It simply matters less and less. Not only that, many midlifers seem to take great satisfaction from being in that place. It's like they've found a certain kind of freedom. I can attest to that.

one thing that pops up for many in this mental garage sale is this: they just don’t care anymore what people think of them.

The notion that someone who’s younger, or from a different persuasion, or who’s just having a bad day, can feel it’s important to tell you you’re wrong, or not woke enough, or that this political party or that one is right or wrong and you need to change your mind, only has (dubious) value for them.

You, however, can kind of stand there quietly, munching your sandwich and just mumble, “Uh-huh....interesting” (but it's not really) and carry on.

Three reasons midlifers don’t care so much anymore

1. Maybe because we realise that, quite frankly, there’s not much that’s new under the sun. You know, when you’ve been around for four or five decades, you’ve heard it all before, in a way. Not to be arrogant or naïveté but wait til you’re 60 and you’ll see what I mean. Wars, business collapses, new trends, financial ups, financial downs, deluded dictators spouting forth, law changes, new technologies, sporting triumphs, scandals, and so on....Nothing new to see here. So when others continually talk about these things, meh.

2. Maybe because it’s just not as important in the scheme of things. We've realised that, in the end, not everything matters. I mean, is it really important whether National or The Greens are in power? Not really. Give it 20 years and most people will forget who was in power 20 years ago. Does a new make-up product really matter? What's wrong with the last 'breakthrough cream?' Who cares about what Jude Law said to his ex, what's trending in interior design right now, or whether coffee is good or bad for you (again!). All this will drift away into nothingness sooner or later.

3. Thirdly, given people past 50 tend to become more acutely aware that there are fewer years ahead of them than there are behind, they place a higher premium on their remaining time and energy. I know I do. And so when someone begins to soak up some of that precious time and energy on things that aren’t going to improve the remaining years, or increase value or enjoyment, or make things better directly or indirectly, then why give it your time and energy?

Wait a minute, though

There's an important caveat here: Whatever your situation or view, don't be a dick about it. There's no merit in that.

You can be kind and not care at the same time.

What matters more

If you’re under 50 and you wonder why the hell these older folks seem to care less about things you think are important, don’t worry. Just go find someone who does.

And if you’re over 50 and you find yourself caring waaaaay less about what other people think, especially of you, enjoy.

Because what other people think about you is their business.

What you think of you...

now that's far more important.

Over to you

1. How does this sit with you?

2. When was the last time someone was talking to you but what they were saying wasn’t that important to you? (but seemed to be to them).

3. Do you think you could get better at disagreeing but not getting defensive or dismissive?

4. What other wisdom does this article bring to mind for you? Care to share? Let a comment below.

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