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Welcome to Wiser with Rob Bialostocki. Simple everyday stories, insights and ideas to help you live a life that truly matters and grow wiser in the process.

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How many times have you heard people say, just follow your passion or find your passion and it's all on from there or even follow your passion and the money will follow. Well, the problem is, I think it's poor advice. It's like chasing something that's not even there. Now, that's not going to be popular. with many of the gurus out there, including the 25-year-olds, because they say follow your passion like it's some kind of magic key. And I've tried to find and use that key over the years, and the locks just don't spring open. Maybe you heard and tried to follow that advice as well, and you found that you weren't succeeding, which then leads you to question yourself, doesn't it? And it can result in being stuck or confused and worried that things have passed you by. I get it. Don't worry, stay tuned to this episode because help is at hand. Yes, for years I've tried to follow the oft-quoted advice, find and follow your passion. The problem has been, I haven't really known what my passion is exactly and I think that's because I seem to have several. So finding it hasn't been easy. And then just on pure logic alone, following it becomes, well, impossible. And worse, there are myriad YouTube videos, Instagram posts, free courses out there created by very good looking people who seem to have found their passion and they want to help you find yours. And frankly, it's been too easy to feel like a failure for too long. Now, I have to say that recently I've had a great life coaching session with Tracy and when we were basically just sort of floating around what's going on and how does it feel, I kind of came to the conclusion that maybe much of what I've tried to launch and get going over the last few years has been because I haven't really found my true kind of voice for this stage of life. And so that's why sometimes it can be difficult when you listen to somebody who's at a totally different stage of life offer you advice. And that's kind of okay, but it's probably only going to work if you're wired like them and you're in a similar situation to them and you're maybe in the same stage of life as them. But you may not be. So it could be that you are just not able to follow that advice like somebody else might. Now, many people I know and have listened to or read about have also felt like this finding your passion thing has eluded them and there must therefore be something wrong with them. They feel that they'll never make it, which is a pity because frankly, the notion of finding your one passion is just BS. The notion of finding your passion, I think, is based on an assumption that you have one and that you need to go and find it. But I'm not sure that's the case. If you're like me, I've actually got several things that I really, really enjoy, that I'm so-called passionate about. They're all in different stages of development. It's also based on the idea, by the way, that you find your passion by looking for it like you're looking in the long grass for something and then suddenly, ah, there is my passion. I've been looking everywhere for it. But let me challenge that. Just using reason, how can you have a passion for something that you don't do yet? In other words, passion is not something you find. It's something you develop. You might notice something that interests you, like playing the guitar. You take some lessons. You get some success learning your first 20 or 30 songs. You start to get better. You get past that frustrating, where's A minor again stage. And then you realize, oh, I really love this. Passion has developed. And by the way, in that case, it might have taken a year or two or five. It could also, of course, happen faster than that. In 1984, after just one visit overseas where I experienced what extreme poverty was like in India, I developed a passion to do something about it. And looking back, it was probably more of an intense interest rather than a passion at first. So we often associate passion with focus, with intensity, with enthusiasm being absorbed in it, that sort of thing. But that's kind of very hard to be able to experience that kind of thing at the beginning of anything. So passion is something you realize you have after a fair bit of time of involvement and experimenting and success. Probably it takes months, if not years. There's also an idea that once you find your passion, then it's all on from there. Somehow, things become clearer. Doors fly open. You become famous or well-known. It gets easier. You never want to look at anything else again. And so on. If you have found your passion, well then I sincerely wish you good luck. Well done. But I have a suspicion that those of us who are keen to find their passion, only a small percentage ever do so, or do so quickly. There's a good little book actually by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans called Designing Your Life. And they say that in their decades of experience as lecturers and directors of design and life design labs at Stanford University, So they should know what they're talking about, right? Over 80% of adults don't know what their passion is. Wow, that must be frustrating. But it's only frustrating if you believe that you ought to know. And now. What if you don't need to know? What if you do not need to know what your passion is? Then you open up the possibility that instead of trying to find your passion... You instead try out things that interest you. You know, you do a series of mini experiments and you see which ones work, which ones don't, which ones resonate. Not to try and find your passion, but just to find what you enjoy, what works, what you could move on to next. Passion will probably come a little bit later. I don't know about you, but when I think about it that way, that sounds pretty freeing to me. It's also very practical because it means you can let curiosity and utility guide what you end up continuing with. There's no sense flogging a dead horse, as they say. It's important to distinguish, I think, between interest and involvement. You might seem to be interested in serving your community in some way. good on you. So you join a community group for, I don't know, looking after youth in sport or something. It's quite possible that after a month or three of involvement, it might be that you then realise you actually don't want to keep doing that. And I think that's a totally legitimate way of being where you try things out and it's by doing it that you realise the reality of it. Let me say that again. You get an idea, you try something out for a while, and it is by having done it that you realise the reality of what it's like. And then you might decide, actually, it's not what I thought. It's not for me. Or, of course, you could really enjoy it and be captured by a real sense of investment in young people in that particular example. And so you keep going and you might change a role or you might just put more time and energy into it, you're developing a passion for it. So just because you're interested in something doesn't mean that you need to get involved in it. I don't know about you, but I'm interested in all sorts of things. I mean, yesterday I went for a walk, had a bit of a day off and went fly fishing in a region not too far from here. I love live music. I took my eldest daughter's Coldplay in Auckland last year. It's got to be one of the best concerts I've ever been to. I love dogs. We have two. I didn't used to, but I really enjoy reading about history and I love being a granddad. I love personal development. I love philosophy. I love renovating houses. Which one of those is my passion? Hmm. I think we should only get involved in activities that not only interest us, but in which we feel some sort of possibility of continuing in the longer term. To know that, you'd need to dig a bit deeper into your own values and see how that activity lines up with them. Because what I've noticed is that those people who are involved in things that are aligned to their personal values seem to stick at it longer. So if it's not aligned to your values, you'll probably give up after a while, particularly when the going gets tough or when things just don't quite work out. Now, The greater the lineup of possibilities of what you could get involved in, the more likely it is that your interest will turn into involvement and maybe into passion if it grabs you by the heart. So let that be a bit of a guide. There are a lot of possibilities of what you could do as recreation, of careers, of interests you could have, but try and be guided by what lights your heart up. Now, I'm a bit of a scientist, and so what does light your heart up mean? But Just let's go with the phrase for now. And let me finish with that thought, that passion is probably more felt in the heart than decided in the head. So, you know, if you're looking for clues, then go for what you feel strongly about rather than what you think might be good. I've actually just recently had... some chats with my youngest daughter who is at a phase of exploring entrance into careers. And I've said to her, whatever it is you actually start looking at, try and make sure that it's something that you care about. Because if you don't, then one day you'll end up feeling a bit empty and a bit frustrated. But if it's something you care about you're more likely to find meaning and purpose and develop a passion for it over time. And don't be worried about a passion you've developed, by the way, and maybe even held for many years that might go off the boil after a while. Because, hey, that happens. It's normal. It's part of being human. You might have developed a real passion for the corporate world, like I did for many years. And you might have been involved for many years of your life. And then one day, you realize you no longer have that same passion. Now, that's not really at odds with what I just said about do something you care about, which is often aligned to your personal values. Because I actually think that values can change. I mean, I'm not sure I've got exactly the same set of values that I had 30 years ago. Surely not. So it's perfectly okay, I think. Things change. You change. Life changes. I mean, the world changes. All I think that means is two things. Don't keep committing your precious time and energy to what you no longer enjoy. And experiment with new interests to see what works for you. And then, over time, let passion arise. I hope that helps. I hope it brings you some freedom, some lightness, and some hope for what's up ahead. Thanks for listening.

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You've been listening to The Wiser Podcast with Rob Bielostocki. feel free to send Rob a message. He'd love to hear from you. Until next week, we hope this episode helps you live a life that truly matters and grow wiser in the process.

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