Key points

• Being an active grandparent is a conscious decision we need to make.

• Grandchildren most want your time, touch, and talks.

• Presents and pandering are easier, but far less memorable.

• To be fully present with your grandkids, you need to resolve to shut out distractions.

• They’re not with you for very long.

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Grand-parenting can be awesome

I have the privilege of having a wonderful granddaughter who's currently 9 years old. She's an awesome person and I love spending time with her. Make no mistake, it can be exhausting at times but that's probably due to my energy levels now that I'm in my 60s compared to when I had my own children of the same age.

However, right at the beginning I decided, as many people do, that I'd step up and be an active granddad notwithstanding she's the only child of a solo mother and hence I'd probs be the main male figure in my granddaughter's life. (See what I did there? "probs" - a lame attempt to speak modern lingo, very important for grandparenting. Or is 'probs' sooooo last year?).

Side-note: I fully recognise that you may be in a situation where you have lovely grandchildren and cannot see them often due to distance. That's hard. I also recognise that some people have estranged relationships with their children which can affect, or even shut out connecting with, their grandchildren. If you're in that position, I very much feel for you.

What makes the biggest impact in grandchildren

After eight years of being a grandparent, here are three things I've observed that seem to make the biggest impact on grandchildren. And yes, they all start with T because I'm that guy...

Time - they love to spend focused time with you even doing the most basic things (especially when they're quite young). And, of course, focused means no scrolling.

Touch - they respond to hugs and appropriate touches because biologically it creates bonding which is so important for healthy development.

Talks - this is the primary, but not only, carrier of conversation. I like to see conversation as the oil that makes relationships smoother. Plus, it's how you discuss, debate and explain things.

Notice that presents or expensive clothes are not on the list. I mean, at that age they grow so fast that last month's fancy new jacket is too small next month! And which child can remember what they got for Christmas two years ago? (Which adult, for that matter!)

Notice also that molly-coddling is not on that list. They don't need you to be a pushover (nor to be a dragon). They need you to be safe, consistent and caring. Molly-coddling only teaches them stuff you'll regret when they hit their tweens. If not before!

As with most things in modern life, if you don't have a deliberate intention to be that wonderful grandparent, you'll get busy, become distracted, and eventually time and opportunities will get away on you. So it's important to not only hope to be this kind of grandparent, but actually make time for it, which actually means

stop doing other, distracting stuff when they're around or when you could be spending time with them.

Let's Summarise

I’m very aware that this is an extremely quick look at a topic that deserves much more attention. And, there are millions of wonderful grandparents out there doing it brilliantly every day. You’re probably one of them. :)

But as a quick reminder to us all, remember:

• Being an active grandparent requires a conscious decision.

• Grandchildren need time, touch and talks.

• Expensive presents and clothes etc are not required.

• Molly-coddling doesn't help.

• In order to have time, you need to stop other distracting things.

• Research and then create memories using simple, cheap and fun activities.

Over to you

1. What’s one thing you can recall regarding your grandparents (if applicable)?

2. How does that make you feel?

3. What is something you can organise to do with your grandchildren that is cheap, easy and fun?

4. When will you book that in? :)

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